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Not the way I should feel when it is so sunny ( 19 May 2004 - 11:07 p.m. ) Things seem strange, and it is probably because I'm tired that I can't really be bothered with very much. Even with the things I should be doing, the things I'm most worried about at the moment. Very worried, very stressed and things. I keep getting headaches, and I'm always, always tired. I've been thinking, about how I can stay away from the people who want me drugged and drunk, who think I have to do that to have fun. It influences me alot, that, so that it almost is what I want, for a while. I don't like those people, I don't like their environments, I don't like the darkness that perpetually follows them around and permeates me. The darkness makes me worse, so I cut more when I'm drunk. And I truly don't like cutting, it's automatic, it's not even me doing it. Though, of course, I love doing it, because it calms me down. Someone died in the house across the road. There were so many people, black dresses, and white shirts with black ties. Some of them were crying, others stood strongly by, offering comfort by standing there and being able to hold themselves from displays of emotion. And the hearse came, with its coffin covered in flowers, and they all went with it in cars, to wherever the body was to go. A funeral cortege is so sombre, it always reminds me of the fact that, no matter how much soul you have, in the end we are all just bodies, waiting to die. | |||||||||