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Do I even like myself? ( 16 May 2004 - 9:31 p.m. ) I shouldn't drink. I really shouldn't. It always gets messy, horribly messy. I will stop. There were so many people around last night, who I haven't seen for years, and it was so great to see them again. Until Lucy showed up, which threw me. You see I still like her, I would still have liked to talk to her. But I couldn't, and so began some kind of slide. Not really a slide, actually. I was just too drunk, and I don't like that, and I decided to cut when I got home, and I did. But I'm going to stop. I really, really want to stop. I will stop cutting, and drinking, and get more confident, and get fitter, happier {and more productive}. I will, I want to have some kind of relief from treating myself with such violent disrespect. I want to like me, I want to like being me. I no longer want to lie in the dark, exhausted by being alive, just wishing I was someone else. Somehow I will get to a state where I am not so scared of everything. | |||||||||