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Is it alright? And what, exactly, am I doing? ( 07 May 2004 - 10:30 p.m. ) I'm spending alot of time these days watching Cat slowly destroy herself. Which is hard, so very hard. Cos she knows it's doing her no good, all of this, but she won't stop it. Just won't. The worst was watching her sleep last night, the poor little thing needs to sleep for much longer, more sleep than she can possibly have. Although she did seem better today, seemed more positive, more awake, and more like her real self again. Because she's been different for so long, so quiet and distant, not really here, it's not been like talking to Cat, it's been like talking to some half formed shadow of her. For weeks all I've wanted is my Kitty back. And maybe, I think, at last she is returning. Because today it really was like Kitty again, and I hope she stays, because I always need her. I suddenly thought today, for no real reason, that maybe we seem strange from the outside, with being so completely entangled. I don't know, it was just a thought I had that I decided to write. Just people keep thinking we are 'together' as it were, because we're so close. Which is maybe why we nearly tried it before. But we just want to be friends, just very good friends, because that's how its is.... The sun shone today, and the air smelled summery, and the sky was blue and lightly streaked with cloud. And the girl with the bleached hair and spikes in her ears sat in front of me again, and once more I didn't talk to her, because I am a fool. And time passed rather slowly, and I did very little. And I also saw the most attractive girl I have seen for a long time, one who really made me awestruck. She looked so different but yet so confident. But i couldn't go talk to her. Because, as I said, I am a fool. Come along now, little darling We'll see how brave you are. | |||||||||