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No, it's alright ( 20 April 2004 - 11:10 p.m. ) It's good really. I can take most anything. Except occasionally I catch myself and wonder if I 'm only pretending, that soon the fact that nothing has changed will hit me and I'll be just as bad as before. It seems to me I always notice girls around, I find attractive, but I will never talk to them. So what hope do I have, you see, of ever finding anyone? I generally feel that I don't have any really, although it's not getting me down now. I'm just scared that it will soon, that I'll suddenly realise what that really means. I've also noticed that I idley consider cutting sometimes, just cos I know I can do it. There's no anger in the consideration like there used to be, just kind of that it's something to do, so why not? And I can't really think of any reason why not. But you see I am happy. I feel all sunny inside, I don't feel sad at all. Just these thoughts cross my mind, and I think that other people would say they are the thoughts of a sad, depressed person, but I'm not. Maybe a little lonely sometimes, but i'm not sad. I just can't tell my thoughts to many people any more, because they get worried. But I know there is nothing wrong. | |||||||||