Need ( 01 April 2004 - 6:34 p.m. )

Mostly a good day really. Even though the sky was a bit grey and clouded most of the time, I felt nice. Cos I listened to the summertime CD I made yesterday, on the way in. And I actually danced up the road. People stare, which is funny, but I'm too happy, I don't care.

But I have a problem, now, I'm getting agitated again. And I think, looking at the times this happens, that it's to do with Cat. Maybe I feel too much for her, somewhere inside I want to be more than friends, I don't know. I do know that's not going to happen, so I need some way out.

I think, probably, given past experience I know exactly what's happening here. I'm fixating on her, cos she's a girl I'm close to, she happens to be around. What I really need to do is actually find someone, properly, who will fixate on me in return. But I don't think I'm able to do that, it just doesn't seem to happen.

It's not that I feel really bad or anything, just this one niggling little thing, basically an agony because I'm single, always rests in the back of my mind. And for some reason I can't seem to sort it out.

Please, sir, tell me why:
If God is love,
I'm so dysfunctional?


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