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Sun and friends ( 30 March 2004 - 10:57 p.m. ) The sun shone all day, and the sky was so perfectly clear, and it was lovely and warm. So close to summertime. So me and Cat and Dave wandered into town and messed around, and ate lunch on the grass in the park. Then, back at Cat's, Chrissie joined us, and we sat in Cat's room for a while, and chilled, and I played guitar on a half-size acoustic belonging to Emma. And we went food shopping, and then returned and Chrissie made us lovely dinner. And all the while I talked easily and insanely with Chrissie, and that was fun. And Cat and Chrissie went crazy in the supermarket, and that was so fun too. You see I love random days like this, where we do nothing much at all, but somehow everything fits, and I never want the day to end. It's all so gorgeous, and I'd love the world to be like it all the time, but so often other things intrude, come in without invitation and just get in the way. So I'm trying to make my life as much like those kind of days as possible. And the way to do this is, I think, to keep up my connections with friends, and make them deeper, keep communicating. Make sure I never again retreat completely into my own shell of a mental world, pushing everyone away so I can be on my own. As long as I don't do this, as long as I keep up the connection, I can keep the sunny days. And the more sunny days I have, the less painful the dark ones will be. The only thing to marr the greatness of today, and these thoughts, is that I told Felix by email exactly what I was feeling, in cathartic outpouring of my soul. And now he's suggested that, to take a break, I move in with him for a year, or maybe for the 4 months over the summer. Which as monumentously huge decision, involving so many things I do not wish to write about just now, and as such is one I really do not want to have thrust upon me at the moment, and especially not as a dark cloud at the end of a day of such bright spring sunshine. | |||||||||