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The bright lights of the city tear a hole in my heart ( 27 March 2004 - 4:18 p.m. ) Lying on the bed last night, drifting into a semi-concious world, the one where you're asleep enough to have dreams, but awake enough to be aware of what's happening around you. But I'm listening to Cyclefly, and the back of my mind is puzzled as to how this is relaxing me so much. The dreams are very real, and I let them float, though what they were about I will never know. When I fell asleep my real dreams all involve Chrissie, which puts me in a somewhat strange state when I finally wake up. It's my brother's birthday on Tuesday, so I went into town to buy things. I don't like sitting on the tops of buses, I feel very vulnurable sometimes. I went to the music shop to buy a capo, and I need new trousers, cos my blue ones are getting holes in (they have gold piping down the sides, and I'll probably never find another pair like them). Walk into a skate shop and buy some big baggy black jeans. The stripes down the sides are silver, so they're close. I have no idea what to buy my brother, so I walk into Waterstones, sure I'll be able to find a random book he'll like. I'm wandering aimlessly, but I do like the goth in the tweed coat, she's lovely. Go downstairs, wander round aimlessly, wander back upstairs. The goth in the tweed coat is coming down the stairs. Wander more , go back downsatirs, to look at random art books. She's over by the information desk, and walks off with an assistant. Look at more books. She's right over there now, about six feet away. Then she walks out and, I didn't talk to her. Because I am a fucking idiot. It all makes me think and wonder. This city looks so dull under the grey light of the clouds that have covered the sky all day. Like it's about to fall apart. | |||||||||