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Don't fret precious, I'm here ( 06 March 2004 - 1:19 p.m. ) I spent alot of yesterday trying hard to be normal. But I kept wandering off. It is such an effort. Later I went out with Jack and Dave, and I have to be normal with them, cos they don't know, and surprisingly I managed to. We sat in the Hobbit and drank, and there was some guy out of his head on something. He was flopping all over the steps and the pool table, and ended up writhing under the table with his shirt over his head. It was odd, much like the whole night, and I came home at about 4 am. Woke up at about 9 this morning, still drunk, I think. For some reason I started thinking about Chrissie, and wanting her so bad, and that got me nice and wound up and panicky. So I couldn't breathe. Now I feel slightly hungover, and am alternating between feeling great and nearly crying. Because I feel so very lonely. It goes away sometimes, but always comes back. I'll sit there with friends, and just lose any connection to them. Except, of course, Cat, who can always make it better. But I don't know what to do about it. This is not my life This is not my home This is not me I hate this. | |||||||||