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Thinking, the girl and a graveyard ( 01 March 2004 - 11:36 a.m. ) I got even more messed up about Chrissie on Saturday, to the point where I had to talk to someone about it. So I talked to Cat. Which was, of course, a mistake, because Cat knows something of what Chrissie's feeling. Ended up feeling a whole lot worse about it, and too mixed up, but I know I have to talk to Chrissie to sort this out. The mix of beer and bands on Saturday night helped somewhat to alleviate the confusion, at least for that night. Woke up on sunday in a horrible, confused, painful, tearful mess. At some point, after doing morning things, I decided I would try and get some work done. In fact I spend two hours staring out the window, get more and more frustrated, and always nearly crying, but never quite. Am realising that this girl really means a huge amount to me. I then decide I have to get out of the house, and walk down to the old cemetery, where I walk on the paths that no-one ever goes along, among the ancient graves and yew trees. I find that one of the chapels has the sun shining right on it, and so I sit down aginst the door, and despite the winter it's quite warm here in the sun. Sit and thinking about Chrissie for an hour or so, until the sun starts to sink behind the trees, and I'm getting cold. Walk back slowly, feeling more peaceful. On the way home I got a message from Chrissie on my phone. Do I want to go round monday or tuesday, for dinner and a chat? I say monday, so that is what I will be doing tonight. And I know the talking will be complicated, it probably won't be very nice, and I have a feeling all this is not going to turn out the way I want it. And I want that girl so much, that a large part of me would rather hang on not knowing, than find out what I don't want to hear. But of course I have to do this. I don't know what in this world is trying to save me But I can feel it's hand and it's guiding me in sign From lives I've tried to lead To the one that I received Each painted sign along the road Will melt away in source tags and in code. | |||||||||