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Beautiful one has escaped ( 01 March 2004 - 11:17 p.m. ) That's it. It hasn't worked. She's not sure why, but she can't do it. It may be because she's messed up, it may be because she likes being by herself too much, or other things, but she can't do it. She likes me very much, she really wnats to do stuff with me wants to be friends, but she can't commit to anything more. It may happen in the future, but not now. And I'm actually devastated, I don't know what to do. This meant alot to me, and I really want her. And now it's gone I'm a bit empty, confused and very frustrated. I hate when things go out of control, when they stop and I don't want them to. What the fuck do I do now? And yet, of course, I can't hate her: it's not her fault, and she's too lovely to hate. It just didn't work out, I know that, but it still feels horrible, when I thought we had a connection and we don't, and when I thought she felt the same, and she doesn't, and the rest of the world, of life, seems a bit futile now that the beautiful one I was chasing is out of my reach. And I'm trying so hard, so very hard not to cut to regain control. No matter how beautiful, is she worth shedding blood, taking pain, scarring myself for? | |||||||||