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Heart ( 27 February 2004 - 10:56 p.m. ) Because, of course, something always has to knock me back down eventually. No one can be too happy for too long; you have to have the low times too. And it wasn't even that much, or maybe even that bad. Cos I knew she was unsure anyway. It's just 7 words; I need to get my head sorted. Which could mean anything. And it could mean that once she has it sorted, that we can get together, that she'll decide she does want me. But it could mean she's thinking the opposite, that she'll come out wanting to stop this before it even starts. And I've fallen for her really hard, too fast. It's not her fault, I know. She has to get her feelings right, I wouldn't want that any other way. But of course what I really want is for her to feel the same about me as I do about her. And that might not happen, which is something I haven't properly thought about. Because I already knew, and the whole point was for her to discover what she felt about me, which is what she's doing. But it has still brought me down, to that place where you sit and stare for hours, thinking that it's all going to go wrong, even though you don't know that yet. I just fear the worst, because of the feelings I have for her, which mean that a definite 'no' would be quite devastating, just beacuase it removes the possibility that something might happen But I'm still glad that I took the risk, that I'm trying to take it further, because it could still happen, and If I hadn't things would be alot worse: although I would have thought there was a possibility there actually would have been none. I can say that if this doesn't work I will take the risk with someone else, with many someones, which I would nt have done before. Maybe it'll be OK. But for tonight I shall sit in the dark, listen to Mercury Rev, and wallow in a confused state of mind, in which I'm not sure of anything, but anything is possible. | |||||||||